TBN Sues Interior Designer for too Much Taste and Decorum

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SANTA ANA, California – Today the Trinity Broadcast Network filed a lawsuit against their recent interior designer. They claim he used too much taste and decorum when working on their new set.

His lack of gold plated everything draped in gaudy deep shades of purple drove TBN executives nuts. TBN’s senior VP fell over backwards on his own without the help of Benny Hinn because of so much exasperation.

TBN will be selling their tasteful furniture to Charles Stanley. Stanley claims his lame middle aged white man spidey sense informed him of the furniture.

UPDATE – The interior designer was able to obtain old furniture from the sets of Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres, a defunct Trump casino, and a recently closed Elvis themed Vegas wedding chapel. TBN will accept that as out of court settlement.

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Libertarians Declare Their Pastor is a Fiat Currency

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College Park, GEORGIA – Libertarian members of World Changers Church declared their pastor Creflo Dollar as a fiat currency and promptly left.

After an eight year fight to get his last name changed to gold, Libertarian members said enough is enough. They declared Ron Paul opened their eyes during his presidential run in 2008.

Libertarian members started to notice their dollars didn’t purchase as many corporate jets as they used to, and directly blamed it on the last name of their pastor. Needless to say, they were END THE FED up with the situation.

 

 

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Jimmy Carter Invalidated (Banned) Iranian Visas

Fourth, the Secretary of Treasury [State] and the Attorney General will invalidate all visas issued to Iranian citizens for future entry into the United States, effective today. We will not reissue visas, nor will we issue new visas, except for compelling and proven humanitarian reasons or where the national interest of our own country requires. This directive will be interpreted very strictly.

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Robber Holds Gun To Head Of Pizza Delivery Woman Then Flees After She Pulls Out Her Gun – Fayetteville North Carolina

FAYETTEVILLE, North Carolina – Fay Observer reports on a pizza delivery woman who had a robber put a gun to her head and demand money. The pizza delivery woman had her own gun. She pulled it out in self defense, and the robber fled. Link to story

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Intruder Shot In The Stomach By Homeowner In Self Defense – Lawrence County Ohio

LAWRENCE COUNTY, Ohio – WSAZ reports on an intruder who entered a home while the homeowner was present. Upon hearing a noise the homeowner grabbed a gun and went toward the intruder. The intruder kept coming toward the homeowner, so the homeowner shot him in the stomach in self defense. The intruder fled, and eventually crashed his car. Link to story

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Son With Carry Permit Holds Shovel Wielding Intruder At Gunpoint Who Was Threatening His Mother – Seymour Tennessee

SEYMOUR, Tennessee – An intruder broke into the home of an elderly woman, and he was armed with a shovel. The woman was able to contact her son. He showed up with his gun and held the intruder at gunpoint until the police arrived. Link to story

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Trespassing Stalker Detained After Homeowner Fires Gun In Self Defense – Spartanburg South Carolina

SPARTANBURG, South Carolina – Go Upstate reports on a man who was charged with trespassing and stalking. A neighbor had notified the homeowner of a man standing on his property wearing a ski mask.. The homeowner grabbed a gun, fired it, and eventually detained the trespasser for the police. Link to story

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Man Breaking In Through WIndow Fatally Shot By Woman After Being Warned – Detroit Michigan

DETROIT, Michigan – The Detroit News reports on a woman who was at home when she saw someone trying to break in through a window. She grabbed her gun and told the man to leave. He wouldn’t leave and kept trying to break in. She fatally shot him in self defense. Link to story

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Intruder Flees Into Snowbank After Homeowner Fires Gun In Self Defense – Pine County Minnesota

PINE COUNTY, Minnesota – Northlands News Center reports on a homeowner who heard his house being broken into. The homeowner grabbed his gun, and confronted the intruder. He tried holding him at gunpoint for the police, but the intruder ended up fleeing the house. He was found later hiding in a snowbank. He forgot that footprints are easy to follow in the snow. Link to story

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